Monotony.

Last night while watching The Bridges of Madison County (not exactly the best movie ever. I have the book but haven't read it, and may not now.) I realized something about myself. I am scared, no, terrified of settling. In the movie, Meryl Streep plays an Italian housewife living on a farm in Iowa..I know. Weird, right? Anyway, the movie continues with the story, and she ultimately has to make a decision between routine and adventure. Knowing what every day holds, and not knowing where she will lay her head the next night. Choosing the simple life with the monotony and familiarity it brings, or experiencing life in a new way each day, and risking ending up alone. I was shocked to realize how torn I was about this issue. Thinking about being in the position she was in literally made me sick to my stomach. I was so disgusted by the idea of a mundane life spent at home (No disrespect to housewives/stay at home moms. It takes a LOT of patience, hard work, and sanity to do what you do.) This is where it gets interesting. For all of my life, I've had no other dreams, desires or goals other than these three: to be a mother, to sing, and to see the world. I try to imagine in my mind that if God really wants all those things for me, then He will certainly make them work out perfectly. But the older I get, the more I realize that I am probably (hopefully not) going to come to a day where a decision will have to be made. This freaks me out. How can I pick one of those things? I want kids, but will I blame them for me not being able to follow my dreams? I'd love to sing and travel, but will I come back to an empty hotel room alone, with no husband, no children, no family and find myself once more regretting my decision? I don't worry about it that much really, because I know that God's plans are bigger than my own, and they are perfect and fulfilling. I trust that He will give me the life which He has planned out, even if it includes NONE of those things, and I will still be satisfied. All of this spurred from one scene in the movie when she finally makes her decision. Not that it was easy, but she knew it was right. Maybe this quote will make you think, help you make a decision, or, if nothing else, go tell your mother thank you for everything she has done for you, for putting her life on hold for you, even if that means/meant not knowing what to do once you are/were gone.

"You don't understand, no one does. When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected to move again only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself."